Later Gator (Southern Fried Sass Book 1) Page 3

  "Yes, I'm sure. They all are. I told you that."

  “At least the others are nice.”

  "Hey, that was really rude," I complained louder than I'd intended but nonetheless forged ahead. "And stop with the talking in my head. I thought we agreed never to do that without warning."

  “No one’s talking in your head, Faith,” Daisy chirped, now skipping down the completely overgrown path Henrietta had told us to take. “Drink some water. You’re just imagining things.”

  “I am not…”

  “I really hope I get the chicken. She’s a really happy fowl. We can have a lotta fun.”

  “I’ve already told you that the blond is yours.”

  “And I get the chicken?”

  “Yes, Fflur. You get the chick…I mean the one named Daisy.”

  “Who the hell is Fflur?” By now I was stomping my foot and starting to yell. “And I know your name, Daisy. I haven’t lost my mind, just my… What the…?”

  “I am Fflur.” The voice was no longer in my head but right before my eyes in the form of a six-inch royal blue dragon with pink horns and talons and little tendrils of smoke wafting from her nostrils.

  Unsure whether to scream or pet her, I opened my mouth - then shut it – then opened it, so that when another and another of the tiny Dragons appeared in the air before me, I was standing like a dope with my mouth wide open and my eyes about to pop outta my head.

  “And I am Taffy,” the green one sassed with a tilt of her head.

  Flitting to the front of the group, the candy-apple red mini Dragon announced, with not just a little bit of attitude and grandeur, “Excuse my sisters, but they are extremely excited. You see we’ve been waiting for you all to need us for nearly a thousand years.”

  “A thou…” I closed my mouth and cleared my throat then tried again. “A thousand years, but we weren’t…”

  "Born yet. Yes, my dear Faith, we know that. Hence, why we've been waiting patiently for so very long." Coming a bit closer, her wings barely moving as she hung in mid-air, the obvious leader of the group smiled as sweetly as a tea-cup Dragon can and went on, "My Goddess, where are my manners?" Reaching out with the tiniest, yet scariest, paw I had ever seen, she waited until I laid the tips of my fingers against her palm before adding, "My name is Druantia. I am named after the Celtic Goddess of the Tree Spirits and Queen of the Oak." Letting go of my fingers, she came so close to my face that I could feel the breeze from her tiny little wings on my cheeks. "Faith Fairyflower, I am pleased to say that I am your Familiar and I shall do everything within my considerable powers to be your right hand, your confidant, and lend you my enchantment whenever the need shall arise."

  Shocked didn't come close to what I was experiencing but I could see Dru…Dru… oh, dang it, whatever the little one's name was, wanted me to respond, so, I did, but not quite the way I had planned. At the precise moment that I opened my mouth, my brain decided to take a rest and well, as you can imagine, what I said was neither politically correct or in any rules of etiquette that Emily Post had ever written.

  “You…you…you, Dragonettes, are Familiars for each of us? How the hell is that gonna work? You’re not even as big as a Barbie doll. This just can’t be. This is effin’…”

  Fire shot from the mouths of all three mini Dragons, scorching the ground just millimeters from the toes of my dirty, old rain boots. In turn, I jumped backward, my left heel hit the corner of a rock, and I, Miss Graceful herself, unceremoniously landed ass-over-tea-kettle in a pile of what I could only pray was mud.

  Zipping through the air, a line of smoke leaving a trail like the airstream behind a jet, Dru (That's just what I'm gonna call her for right now. Her real name is way too confusing for the likes of my brain.) flitted left and then right, doing a nearly perfect imitation of a pissed off hummingbird and roared, "We are not Dragonettes." Disgust hung in the air between us. "What is wrong with you? Do we look like raisins? Are we covered in chocolate and sold at the theatre?" Whizzing around my head, the intense buzzing in my ears telling me that I was seconds from becoming the burnt marshmallow in Dru's s'more, I opened my mouth once again, this time to apologize, but my little Dragon was far from done.

  "For your information, we are the Drixairyites, created from the magical essence of the Dragon, the Pixie, the Fairy, and the Sprite, by Goddess Druantia, to assist only the most deserving of Earthen Witches as they protect all manner of creatures both great and small." Buzzing the tip of my nose, she blew smoke into my face as she scoffed, "And to think the Demi-God Kayne, a valiant and true Dragon Guardsman, and the Grande Priestess of all Earthen Witches, Calysta, blessed us and assured us you would be welcoming and gracious upon on our arrival."

  Flying backward, she stopped with one of her sisters on each side and huffed, “But there has been a mistake. You, Faith Fairyflower, are not deserving. You have not welcomed us. You are mean and cruel. What would your mother say if she was here right now? I ask you, is that how you were raised?”

  Looking to my sisters, my own flesh and blood, for help in getting both feet and a good portion of my pleasantly plump ass outta my mouth, I instead found them shaking their heads and frowning with their arms crossed over their chests. (Now, I ask you, was that fair? Shouldn't they have had my back?)

  Oh well, it didn't matter, I had once again messed up, and it was up to me to make it right. Besides, my butt was wet and mud was squishing between my fingers. (Not a good look on anyone.) I had to get up anyway.

  Struggling to my feet, I snapped my fingers and magically cleaned myself up before stepping forward and hanging my head in shame. "I am so very sorry for offending you. I have a terrible habit of opening my mouth before engaging my brain." Plastering on the sweetest smile I could muster, I went on, "I'm also not the best with surprises, as I'm sure you've seen over the years."

  "Yes, that's true," Dru harrumphed. "It is something we will need to work on. Surprises can be wonderful. I hate that you are missing out on all the fun."

  Okay, I was making headway, just had to come up with one humdinger of a grand finale grovel to seal the deal and hopefully figure out why in the donkey's booty my mother never told me I would be getting a Dragonette…I mean, a Drix-who's-a-what's-it as a Familiar. Since she was in the great Coven in the sky, I was gonna have to figure that one out on my own, or maybe holler at Daisy's mom. I bet Nate the Bastard knew, but I’d eat shit for breakfast, lunch, and dinner before I asked that asshole for anything.

  Speaking of Daisy, she'd wandered off somewhere between looking at me like I was the sister who was on the five ‘o’clock news in a florescent flowered muumuu with big, pink, plastic curlers in my hair and my groveling to a six-inch Dragon. Any other time, I would've been irritated, however, on this occasion, I wanted to give her a dozen roses and a four-pound bag of peanut M&Ms because bless her heart, she interrupted my clumsy apology by shrieking, "Faith! Rosie! You better get over here! I found Henrietta's chickens, but they found a dead body."

  Chapter Five

  "Oh wow! Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow, oh wow," the little blue Dragonette (Yeah, I know that's not what they're called, but I couldn't pronounce their real name, and I didn't have time to try.) sputtered with the green one bouncing in mid-air and adding, "They beat his head in…right in." Pointing with her index finger at the hole in the back of the corpse's head as she tsked and shook her head.

  “Wonder why they did that?” Dru pondered, tapping the golden talon on the end of her own index ‘finger’ on her chin. “This is most disturbing.” She looked across the body at me. “But we can handle it, can’t we Faith? We’ll find the culprit and bring him to justice.”

  Shocked that we were suddenly buddies, partners even, and Dru was no longer mad at me, I slowly nodded my head and asked, “So, you’re staying?”

  “Why of course we are staying. What kind of cretins do you take us for? We were sent here to help, and help is what we shall do.”

  Deciding it was better to agree than getting flambée
d, I nodded and quickly affirmed, "I would never call you ladies cretins. You are the most spectacular Dragons I've ever laid eyes on. (I left out the part where I confessed, ‘Because you ladies are the only Dragons I've ever laid eyes on’. I think you’ll agree it’s better that way.) Your magic is formidable and your fire magnificent. We," I motioned to Rosie and Daisy who were nodding in agreement, "Are honored to have you as part of the team."

  Still tapping her chin with her talon, but now smiling instead of scowling, (I was making progress, thank the Great Goddess and all the little fishies in the deep blue sea.) Dru chuckled, “Team? Part of the team?” Whizzing towards me and perching herself on my shoulder, she added, “I really like that. Thank you, Faith.”

  Whew! Day saved. Rosie and Daisy were sure to give me shit and tell me I was kissing Dragonette ass, but they weren’t the ones who nearly had their toes burnt off. Let ‘em tease. Paybacks are a bitch, and I am saving up for one helluva party.

  Tilting my head as I turned to look at my Familiar, I asked, “Just real quick, can I call you Dru? I don’t want to offend you and your Christian name is beautiful, but I can’t pronounce it,”

  Grinning and laughing out loud, she clapped her little paws together and snickered, “Of course, you can. I rather like that nickname.”

  "Thank you. And one more thing," I looked at Dru's blue and green sisters, both hovering in the air beside their respective Witch, and asked, "What are your sisters' names?"

  "Oh, my Heavens, you must think me daft," Dru fussed. "So sorry, it's just that when I lose my temper, my manners seem to disappear." I had to admit, I loved her Scottish brogue, the way she rolled her r's and spoke in such a formal manner. It was cute, not that I would tell her that. (I would broach the subject of what I could and couldn't call them at a later date. Dru and I were getting along and I really, really wanted to keep it that way.)

  Pointing to the blue Dragonette, she introduced, “As you might remember from our arrival, this is Fflur.”

  I thought about it for a second and then remembered I had indeed heard her name in my mind. “Nice to meet you, Fflur,” I responded, grinning as she flitted left and right, drawing hearts with her smoke beside Daisy’s head before settling on her shoulder. Their bond was immediate. Magic filled the air as big, bright smiles crossed both Witch and Dragonette’s faces. The only weird thing about it all was that we were having what our Ancestors would’ve called our Uniting Ceremony with a dead body lying in the center of our little circle. (Crazy didn’t begin to describe the rabbit hole I was falling into since moving to the great town of Hairy Wart.)

  "It's really nice to meet you, too," the blue Dragon bubbled. "I'm so excited to be here and to meet Daisy and all of you. This is the best day of my life." Her enthusiasm perfectly matched Daisy's, when my Sandwoman Sis was awake of course, and Fflur's high-pitched voice with a touch of brogue was too darn precious, not that I would say that out loud. I got the feeling ‘precious' was not what they were going for.

  Touching my cheek with the tip of her wing, Dru motioned for me to turn towards Rosie. "And that is Taffy." (Taffy? Did she really just say, Taffy? A Dragonette named Taffy. Who, in a million years, would've ever thought?) Working hard to control my expression and not laugh out loud, I winked and smiled, "And very nice to meet you, Taffy."

  "You too," she beamed, her contralto voice mixed with her accent made it almost sound like she was singing. Landing softly on Rosie's outstretched hand, the air around them glistened with spectacular green and brilliant yellow sparkles. Their bond was complete.

  Then it hit me, and once again my mouth opened while my brain was blissfully on idle. "Why haven't we bonded?" Before my eyes had even had a chance to focus, Dru touched her talon to the tip of my nose. Shivering as pins and needles ran up my arms, down my spine, and all over my skull from thousands upon thousands of mini-shocks of electricity, vibrant fireworks – red, green, blue, golden and silver – burst to life before my eyes.

  Leaning closer to my face, the side of her muzzle touching my cheek, she whispered, "I was saving the best for last." (Okay, I admit it. Dru and I were meant to be. She and I were going to cause the most wonderful chaos.)

  “Thank you,” I murmured back. Turning back to the group, I opened my mouth just as my very own little Dragon instructed, “Now, back to business, ladies. We need to get this poor soul turned over and see if any of you know who he is.”

  Trying not to be irritated, but conceding that she'd said what I was thinking, pretty much word for word, I nodded in agreement while waving my hands over the body and letting my magic slowly turn him over. Gasps and ‘oh-my-Goddesses' flew from everyone's mouths as we looked down upon Cletus Montgomery – the town's only Chicken Hawk Shifter and a notorious drunkard.

  “Who could’ve done this?” Daisy cringed as she looked into Cletus’ cold, dead, eyes. “I mean, he was a serious butthead, with a nasty attitude, and breath that could take out a tank, but he wasn’t bad enough to beat a hole in his head?”

  Stepping forward and kneeling next to the body, Rosie spelled up a pair of rubber gloves and snapped them onto her hands. Having worked in a hospital during more wars than I could remember, she knew more about this stuff than Daisy or me, thank the Goddess.

  Moving his head one way and then the other with the tips of her fingers on his chin, she pointed with her free hand and pondered, "There're no marks here, well, except the scars he already had from falling up the stairs, down the stairs, walking into walls and of course, the occasional fist."

  It wasn't polite to laugh, and I tried my best not to, but my shoulders did jump a bit as I thought about the number of times, I watched old Cletus stumble down the street, chewed up cigar in one hand and a bottle of hooch in the other. To hear people talk, he'd been that way for as long as they could remember, however, not once had I heard that he was a thief. Quite the opposite really, anyone who ever mentioned him said it had been ages since he'd even shifted into his Chicken Hawk form. Something about this whole scene made the little hairs at the back of my neck stand on end.

  “I agree,” Dru’s voice sounded in my head. “This man was set-up.”

  Snapping my head to the side, I asked aloud, “Are you always gonna do that ‘telepathy’ thing’?”

  I was just about to explain that speaking in each other’s minds really freaked me out when Daisy interjected, “Faith doesn’t like ESP or whatever you guys call it. She gets cranky and snappy. It’s creeps her out.”

  "It is called mindspeak among the Dragon Kings and the Dragon Guard," Dru replied, her golden eyes narrowing to tiny slits. I could feel her probing my memories and assumed she was looking for the reason I hated ‘mindspeak' and to be honest, I kinda hoped she found something because I had no clue.

  Two seconds later, she shook her head and sighed, "Nothing there. Oh well, that is something we will have to work on, but for now," she looked at everyone before continuing. "It is our belief," she touched my cheek with her paw. "That this man was set up. Someone has made him the fall guy for a much bigger plot. What do you all think?"

  “Oh, I agree.” Taffy quickly replied.

  “No doubt in my mind,” Fflur was quick to respond.

  "Yeah, it's gotta be. Cletus was a grumpy old coot, but he wasn't a bad man," Daisy lamented. "He hadn't rustled a chicken in years and years according to Lester. Gave it up. Doesn't...I mean, hadn't shifted in decades." Tears filled her eyes. "I don't even think he's got a family to mourn his passing."

  Getting to her feet, Rosie was the last to chime in. Still looking at Cletus' corpse, she agreed, "I think Y'all are right, but I have to wonder why anyone would frame him for chicken napping. And why leave the chickens? Something stinks…besides our friend here."

  “First of all, we need…”

  "There is no first of all and there most assuredly is no ‘we’." Sherriff Too-Sexy-For-His-Shirt commanded, pushing his way through a rather twisted bramble of weeds and thorny thistles. "This is a crime scene, and Y'all
need to get on outta here."

  BEAU

  Chapter Six

  “Hold it right there,” Faith immediately argued. “It’s our case. We found the body. You didn’t even… Hey, wait a minute. How did you find out, anyway? We we’re out here lookin’ for chickens when Daisy damn near stepped on him.”

  Staring at me like she wanted to turn me into something hideous with tentacles and slime coming out my nose, my sassy, stubborn mate stomped right up to me and poked me in the chest. "Who told you?" Another poke, this one harder than the last, as flames roared to life in her brilliant blue eyes. Dammit it all to hell if I didn't want to throw her over my shoulder, go somewhere quiet, and make her mine for all times. But, I was genuinely attached to each and every one of my body parts, so I resisted and instead pissed her off even more.

  "That's none of your business, Miss Fairyflower." (I damned sure wasn't about to tell her that I'd been keeping a watch on her since the first time I laid eyes on her. Talk about stupid. She'd cut me up into little pieces and throw the pieces into the swamp just to watch the critters eat me up.)

  “None of my business?” She threw her hands in the air. “Did you really just have the utter nerve to tell me that it was none of my business?” Closing the minute distance between us, standing so close I could see the faint little freckles dancing along the bridge of her nose, hear her heart beating in sync with mine, and inhale the heady scent of magic and magnolias, she was spittin’ nails. Testing the limits of my control without even knowing what she was doing, Faith was clueless that I was just about to give in.

  Grabbing ahold of what was left of my restraint, I stepped back, and looked away before I embarrassed myself and kissed her right there in front of a dead Cletus, God, and everybody. Forcing a growl from my chest, I ordered, “Y’all need to clear out and let us get to work.” Glancing back to Faith who was trying to stare a hole through my head, I added, “I’ll call if we need your assistance.”